Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Lost and found...

Is it possible to feel both lost... and found... at the same time? That's how I feel today. Today is my second day back at work, leaving Andrew at home with Brandyn. Many thoughtful friends have e-mailed me asking how I feel about going back to work... and while I've thought long and hard about it... its really hard to put into words.

I feel normal... like I'm returning to my "regularly scheduled" life. It feels good to be at work with my friends, feeling needed, feeling intelligent. Yet, at the same time... I feel like I left part of my body, myself back at home. It feels VERY strange to knowing that Andrew is at home sleeping, eating, playing... smiling... all without my knowing, without my watching, without my help.

Maybe I just need a webcam on Andrew at all times... then I'll have the best of both worlds!!

9 comments:

SwishDesigns said...

Hugs Alison!

Harris said...

Love you! It gets easier...then some days hard...but overall easier ;-)

Brakes and Gas said...

That is exactly how it felt when I went back for a couple days! Like you are almost enjoying your independent time yet you feel like a vital organ is missing on your person! My attention is so divided when I am not with her. I understand it gets easier! Good luck!

Shelly C. said...

Ah, see, your old work life is the same, but it's a different Alison who has returned. You've got a new identity now: M-O-M. That means that "old life" stuff will never quite be the same because some part of your heart and mind will be with your children.

;)

janessa said...

I understand completely. You're doing a great job. I had to go back and look at my reaction to going back to work and it was similar. It feels good to step away, and even BETTER to be reunited.

Mommy Moreno said...

:D awwww - that makes me all teary. Its a perfect expression of the feeling.
I always say and want to say "It'll get easier" but I dot think that really expresses what happens either ... does that make any sense??
I like how Shelly C put it ... ;)

Nick, Jocelyn and Kevin said...

Crazy, isn't it? Hugs!!

SmartAssMom said...

I feel and felt the same way!

Cousin Anji said...

It still tears at us after nearly two years to drop her off at daycare. Especially right now because she is going through a period of seperation anxiety. It's the absolute greatest though when she sees us at the door in the evening and yells "DADDY!!!", even if it's just me or she runs to me.

(Yeah, we need to work on that. Mommy is daddy and daddy is mommy sometimes.)