Monday, July 20, 2009

Getting in touch my "new" self...

I am overly worried... borderline obsessed... about losing myself in my new "mommy" identity. I dwelled on this topic while I was pregnant (here) and I think about it frequently now. My fear is that I will let my life, my self... become absored by my child... and loose everything about my life that I cared so much about before. I'm so "obssesed" about this fact, I'm pushing myself too hard in the opposite direction.

After 9 months of my body belonging to someone else, I am so excited to have it back, and I am jumping at ANY chance to feel "normal" again. I'm ready to chat all night long with girl friends, celebrate maternity leave, and wine taste (ooh sweet Wine Country, how I missed you!). Its so hard not to go overboard.

Lately, I've over committed socially. I've "stayed too long" at parties, taken advantage of Brandyn's willingness to be home with Andrew by themselves, and generally worn myself out being my "typical" social butterfly.

I need to come to terms with the "new" me - the same, but different. Finding that balance... is hard.


KT said...

I know how you feel Ali! I think that since you're back at work, you'll get into the rhythm and be able to balance YOU time with ANDREW time. From personal experience, I can tell you it's much more difficult when you're a stay at home mom, no matter how great it is to spend tons of time with your little one. You're also so lucky to have so many friends with little ones! We're not quite as lucky in that respect. :) I'm confident you'll figure it all out!

Harris said...

It is hard, but it sounds like you are doing an awesome job. You already left Andrew for an overnight visit - that is great!! I think balancing is just part of motherhood. If you find the perfect mixture - let me know!!

janessa said...

I feel the exact same way. I think it's really a pendulum that swings both ways. It's hard. That's why I really try to create a schedule. I get a night 'off' each month, Nick gets a night 'off' each month and we get a night out together. At least that's the goal. I've learned that I can't say yes to everything. I'd love to say yes to everything, but it's just not something I can do in order to keep everyone happy.

I raise my glass to you, my friend!